Authentic happiness: How to be happy in life and with yourself

Want to Be Happier? Here’s How

“Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder” – Henry David Thoreau

Is lasting happiness attainable or a pipe dream? The reality is that you can choose to be happy, they say. You can chase down that elusive butterfly and get it to sit on your shoulder.

For the past 18 years, University of California-Riverside professor of psychology Sonja Lyubomirsky has studied happiness, and she says that it’s quite possible to stretch the limits of our pre-programmed temperaments.

Why are some people happier than others? Genetics.

Research has shown that our talent for happiness is, to a large degree, determined by our genes. Research done with identical and fraternal twins suggests that each person is born with a particular “happiness set point”– that is, a baseline or potential for happiness to which he or she is bound to return, even after major setbacks or triumphs.
“Happiness set point” is the genetically percent inherited that determines just 50% of happiness meaning that even though our happiness will fluctuate following pleasing or traumatic life events, it will inevitably shift back to a natural level.

The differences in people’s life circumstances, such as where they live, whether they are wealthy or poor, healthy or unhealthy, married or divorced, whether they’re physically attractive, have very little significance on our well-being, only 10 %, and that’s because human beings adapt very quickly to situations. Someone who feels very happy after moving to a big house is likely to soon start yearning for more. But ultimately, whether we drive a damaged truck or a Ferrari to work, whether we have diabetes or heart problems, our ability to be happy and get happier doesn’t vary much.
This leaves a surprising 40% of our capacity for happiness within our power to change. 40 % is within our control, and we control it by changing the way we think and behave.

The benefits of happiness (besides happiness)

Being happy brings with it many benefits. After conducting 225 studies on happiness, professor of psychology Sonja Lyubomirsky had found that happy people live longer, they are healthier,  they’re more productive at their jobs, they have better relationships, they earn more money, they’re more helpful, they have stronger social support networks, and they cope better than unhappy people do.

Happiness build the following resources:

• Physical resources – people are more playful when they’re happy. Happy people are more likely to exercise on a regular basis. Part of this comes from the higher self-esteem seen in happy people. In short, happiness translates into physical fitness — stronger muscles, improved heart-lung function, and increased flexibility.
• Intellectual resources – people learn better when they’re in a positive frame of mind. The most effective schoolteachers are the ones who find ways to make education enjoyable.
• Social resources – human beings gravitate toward positive people and away from negative ones.

The barrier for happiness – Rumination

Professor’s Sonja Lyubomirsky studies have shown that people who ruminate aren’t gaining insight, they’re just making themselves unhappier. The most effective way to escape its seductive stranglehold is to distract with absorbing activities. Go on a run. Meet a friend for lunch.

Rumination is the compulsively focused attention on the symptoms of one’s distress, and on its possible causes and consequences, as opposed to its solutions. Rumination is similar to worry except rumination focuses on bad feelings and experiences from the past, whereas worry is concerned with potential bad events in the future. Both rumination and worry are associated with anxiety and other negative emotional states.

Rumination is the mental health bad boy. It’s associated with almost everything bad in the mental health field -obsessive-compulsive disorder, depression, anxiety says psychologist Everett Worthington Jr.

It is never too late to be happy

Psychologists who study happiness believe we can pursue happiness. We can do this by hinder negative emotions such as pessimism, resentment, and anger. And we can foster positive emotions, such as serenity, empathy, and gratitude. Actually the key to lasting happiness is having frequent positive emotions.

Scientific research has shown that prosperity, health, and physical attractiveness are only minimally related to one’s overall happiness. For example, a study by Ed Diener from the University of Illinois demonstrated that the richest Americans – those earning more than $10 million annually – report levels of personal happiness only slightly greater than the people who work for them.

It’s about the journey not the destination

It is not wrong or fruitless to aspire to and work toward high and distant goals, as long as one realizes that getting there – that is, the striving and the quotidian sense of accomplishment – really is at least “half the fun.” If the goal is reached at last, a new one will have to be set in six months or so when the joy of the achievement will have largely faded.

If the goal is not reached, then one must be able to say that the effort was itself worthwhile. Some Olympic athletes can see it that way when they fail to win a medal but many cannot, especially those vulnerable young swimmers and gymnasts who have been acting out their parents’ dreams rather than their own.

Happiness is essentially unrelated to socioeconomic status, to income, to level of education, to gender or to race.

The Psychologists David Myers, at Hope College, and Ed and Carol Diener at the University of Illinois have shown that the effects on current Subjective Well Being of both positive and negative life events are largely gone after just 3 months and undetectable after 6 months. A happiness reading on a winner in the lottery, taken a year after the event, is likely to give about the same value obtained before the event. Most people, within 6 months or so, will have adapted back to their genetically-determined set-point.

Getting that promotion, having Miss or Mr. Right say “Yes”, even having a “born again” religious conversion, each of these may send the happiness meter right off the scale for a while but, in a few months, it will drift back to the set-point that is normal for that individual.

It’s easy to think of happiness as a result, but happiness is also a driver for example: While I’m into finding ways to improve personal productivity probably the best way to be more productive is to just be happier. Happy people accomplish more.

Here are 14 science-based strategies to be happier

1. Don’t Worry, Choose Happy

The first step, however, is to make a conscious choice to boost your happiness. In his book, The Conquest of Happiness, published in 1930, the philosopher Bertrand Russell had this to say: “Happiness is not, except in very rare cases, something that drops into the mouth, like a ripe fruit. … Happiness must be, for most men and women, an achievement rather than a gift of the gods, and in this achievement, effort, both inward and outward, must play a great part.”

In short, we may be born with a happiness “set point,”  but we are not stuck there. Happiness also depends on how we manage our emotions and our relationships with others.

Once you’ve decided to be happier, you can choose strategies for achieving happiness.

2. Exercise

Think exercise is something you don’t have time for? Think again because exercise has such a profound effect on our happiness and well-being that it is an effective strategy for overcoming depression.

You don’t have to be depressed to benefit from exercise, though. Exercise can help you relax, increase your brain power, and even improve your body image, even if you don’t lose any weight.

We’ve explored exercise in depth before, and looked at what it does to our brains, such as releasing proteins and endorphins that make us feel happier.

A study in the Journal of Health Psychology found that people who exercised felt better about their bodies even when they saw no physical changes. Even if your actual appearance doesn’t change, how you feel about your body does change.

3. Sleep More: You’ll Be Less Sensitive to Negative Emotions

We know that sleep helps our body recover from the day and repair itself and that it helps us focus and be more productive. It turns out sleep is also important for happiness.

The BPS Research Digest explores another study that proves sleep affects our sensitivity to negative emotions. Using a facial recognition task throughout the course of a day, researchers studied how sensitive participants were to positive and negative emotions. Those who worked through the afternoon without taking a nap became more sensitive to negative emotions like fear and anger.

Of course, how well (and how long) you sleep will probably affect how you feel when you wake up, which can make a difference to your whole day.

4. Cultivate Gratitude: Increase Happiness and Satisfaction

This is a seemingly simple strategy but I’ve personally found it to make a huge difference to my outlook. There are lots of ways to practice gratitude, from keeping a journal of things you’re grateful for, sharing three good things that happen each daywith a friend or your partner, and going out of your way to show gratitude when others help you.

In an experiment where participants took note of things they were grateful for each day, their moods were improved just from this simple practice.

In his book, Authentic Happiness, University of Pennsylvania psychologist Martin Seligman encourages readers to perform a daily “gratitude exercise.” It involves listing a few things that make them grateful. This shifts people away from bitterness and despair, he says, and promotes happiness.

5. Foster Forgiveness

Holding a grudge and nursing grievances can affect physical as well asmental health, according to a rapidly growing body of research. One way to curtail these kinds of feelings is to foster forgiveness. This reduces the power of bad events to create bitterness and resentment, say Michael McCullough and Robert Emmons, happiness researchers who edited The Psychology of Happiness.

In his book, Five Steps to Forgiveness, clinical psychologist Everett Worthington Jr. offers a 5-step process he calls REACH. First, recall the hurt. Then empathize and try to understand the act from the perpetrator’s point of view. Be altruistic by recalling a time in your life when you were forgiven. Commit to putting your forgiveness into words. You can do this either in a letter to the person you’re forgiving or in your journal. Finally, try to hold on to the forgiveness. Don’t dwell on your anger, hurt, and desire for vengeance.

The alternative to forgiveness is mulling over a transgression. This is a form of chronic stress, says Worthington.

6. Get Outside More

Making time to go outside on a nice day also delivers a huge advantage; one study found that spending 20 minutes outside in good weather not only boosted positive mood, but broadened thinking and improved working memory…

This is pretty good news for those of us who are worried about fitting new habits into our already-busy schedules. Twenty minutes is a short enough time to spend outside that you could fit it into your commute or even your lunch break.

7. Engage in Meaningful Activities

People are seldom happier, says psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, than when they’re in the “flow.” This is a state in which your mind becomes thoroughly absorbed in a meaningful task that challenges your abilities. Yet, he has found that the most common leisure time activity — watching TV — produces some of the lowest levels of happiness.

To get more out of life, we need to put more into it, says Csikszentmihalyi. “Active leisure that helps a person grow does not come easily,” he writes in Finding Flow. “Each of the flow-producing activities requires an initial investment of attention before it begins to be enjoyable.”

8. Help Others: 100 Hours a Year is the Magic Number

One of the most counterintuitive pieces of advice I found is that to make yourself feel happier, you should help others. In fact, 100 hours per year (or two hours per week) is the optimal time we should dedicate to helping others in order to enrich our lives.

Spending money on other people, called “prosocial spending,” also boosts happiness. So spending money on other people makes us happier than buying stuff for ourselves. But what about spending our time on other people?

9. Practice Smiling: Reduce Pain, Improve Mood, Think Better

Smiling can make us feel better, but it’s more effective when we back it up with positive thoughts. Of course it’s important to practice “real smiles” where you use your eye sockets. (You’ve seen fake smiles that don’t reach the person’s eyes. Try it. Smile with just your mouth. Then smile naturally; your eyes narrow. There’s a huge difference in a fake smile and a genuine smile.)

A smile is also a good way to reduce some of the pain we feel in troubling circumstances. Smiling is one way to reduce the distress caused by an upsetting situation. Psychologists call this the facial feedback hypothesis. Even forcing a smile when we don’t feel like it is enough to lift our mood slightly (this is one example of embodied cognition).

10. Plan a Trip: It Helps Even if You Don’t Actually Take One

As opposed to actually taking a holiday, simply planning a vacation or break from work can improve our happiness. A study published in the journal Applied Research in Quality of Life showed that the highest spike in happiness came during the planning stage of a vacation as people enjoy the sense of anticipation. In the study, the effect of vacation anticipation boosted happiness for eight weeks. After the vacation, happiness quickly dropped back to baseline levels for most people.

If you can’t take the time for a vacation right now, or even a night out with friends, put something on the calendar – even if it’s a month or a year down the road. Then, whenever you need a boost of happiness, remind yourself about it.

11. Meditate: Rewire Your Brain for Happiness

Meditation is often touted as an important habit for improving focus, clarity, and attention span, as well as helping to keep you calm. It turns out it’s also useful forimproving your happiness. Meditation literally clears your mind and calms you down, it’s been often proven to be the single most effective way to live a happier life.

Studies show that in the minutes right after meditating, we experience feelings of calm and contentment, as well as heightened awareness and empathy. And, research even shows that regular meditation can permanently rewire the brain to raise levels of happiness.

The fact that we can actually alter our brain structure through mediation is most surprising to me and somewhat reassuring that however we feel and think today isn’t permanent.

12. Move Closer to Work: A Short Commute is Worth More Than a Big House

Our commute to work can have a surprisingly powerful impact on our happiness. The fact that we tend to commute twice a day at least five days a week makes it unsurprising that the effect would build up over time and make us less and less happy.

According to The Art of Manliness, having a long commute is something we often fail to realize will affect us so dramatically. We tend to try to compensate for this by having a bigger house or a better job, but these compensations just don’t work: Two Swiss economists who studied the effect of commuting on happiness found that such factors could not make up for the misery created by a long commute.

13. Counteract Negative Thoughts and Feelings

Think of the mind as a man riding an elephant. The elephant represents the unconscious  powerful thoughts and feelings that drive your behavior. The man, although much weaker, can exert control over the elephant, just as you can exert control over negative thoughts and feelings. The key is a commitment to doing the things necessary to retrain the elephant. For example, you can practice meditation, rhythmic breathing, yoga, or relaxation techniques to quell anxiety and promote serenity. You can learn to recognize and challenge thoughts you have about being inadequate and helpless.

14. Spend More Time With Friends and Family because in the end Money Can’t Buy You Happiness

Staying in touch with friends and family is one of the top five regrets of the dying. If you want more evidence that time with friends is beneficial for you, research proves it can make you happier right now, too.

Social time is highly valuable when it comes to improving our happiness, even for introverts. Several studies have found that time spent with friends and family makes a big difference to how happy we feel.

Research shows that once income climbs above the poverty level, more money brings very little extra happiness. Yet, “we keep assuming that because things aren’t bringing us happiness, they’re the wrong things, rather than recognizing that the pursuit itself is futile,” writes Daniel Gilbert in his book, Stumbling on Happiness. “Regardless of what we achieve in the pursuit of stuff, it’s never going to bring about an enduring state of happiness.”

Getting Older Will Actually Make You Happier

As we get older, particularly past middle age tend to naturally grow happier. There’s still some debate over why this happens, but scientists have a few ideas. Researchers, have found that older people shown pictures of faces or situations tend to focus on and remember the happier ones more and the negative ones less.

Other studies have discovered that as people age, they seek out situations that will lift their moods – for instance, cutting down social circles of friends or acquaintances who might bring them down. Still other work finds that older adults learn to let go of loss and disappointment over unachieved goals, and focus their goals on greater well being.

So if you thought getting old will make you miserable, it’s likely you’ll develop a more positive outlook than you probably have now.

Isn’t that cool?

Happiness can be a matter of choice – not just luck. Some people are lucky enough to possess genes that foster happiness.

People often fail at boosting happiness because they choose strategies that don’t fit with their personalities and lifestyles. For some people, it’s expressing gratitude that works. They write down three to five things they’re grateful for once a week, which helps them avoid taking things for granted.

The moment we start taking things for granted – whether it be our husbands or our health – those things stop making us happy.

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